Questions to Consider
- Do one or both you want to have a biological connection to your child/children?
- Will you use an anonymous egg donor or a known egg donor?
- Will your surrogate mother use her own egg or will you use a donor egg?
Surrogacy is complicated, expensive, and a big decision for any couple, straight or gay. Essentially, a surrogate mother is a woman who carries a child for someone else. There are many ways that different types of families can find their way to surrogacy, although for straight couples and lesbians, surrogacy is typically considered if a woman cannot carry a child herself or after a woman has experienced many miscarriages or unsuccessful IVF attempts. For gay men, surrogacy is a way to conceive a child that is biologically connected to one or both partners through the process of insemination or In Vitro Fertilization. While less common, a lesbian couple may also use a surrogate mother if one or both partners are unable to produce an egg to be fertilized or unable to carry a child to term.
Surrogacy is a good option for many gay men because at least one partner will be biologically connected to the child conceived. If you live in a state that prohibits LGBT adoption, using a surrogate will ensure you will be recognized as the child’s biological parent, and means you will not have to obtain an adoption to gain parental rights (Although your partner will).
Importantly, each state has their own laws concerning surrogacy, and some states – including New York – do not allow surrogacy or recognize surrogacy contracts at all. An experienced surrogacy agency, however, can help you navigate the surrogacy process outside of the state, and the adoption process afterward.
Click on the links below to explore the surrogacy process, and find out if you’re ready to take on the challenge.