Insemination Decision 4: At Home, Doctor’s Office or Midwife

Once you know where you are getting your sperm from, which one of you will be getting pregnant, and which method you want to use, you will need to decide where and how you are going to begin trying.

There are a couple of different ways you can go about starting. You can research gay and lesbian-friendly clinics, doctors, midwives and hospitals and set up an appointment to talk about your goals and plan. See our list of Gay Parenting Resources to get started.

You may already have an OB or midwife that you have chosen to see throughout your pregnancy. He or she may be able to recommend a clinic or doctor/midwife to guide you through the insemination process, or be able to offer advice for inseminating at home.

Whether you’re inseminating at home or at your doctor’s, get ready to be on call to your ovaries. You’ll need to know when you’re ovulating and be ready at a moment’s notice to haul ass home (or to the doctor) to inseminate at the right time. One of the reasons many women prefer to inseminate at home is because of the intimacy of the process – you can take your time, you can bring your partner to orgasm (a technique that can help simulate natural conception), and in general do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable.

At-Home Insemination

If you choose to get started at home, you should be able to purchase a simple insemination kit online. Options for inseminating run the gamut from simple turkey baster-ish device to cervical cap or diaphragm and an “instead cup  ? (a cup that will hold and deposit the sperm inside of you) or insertion tube/catheter. You’ll also need to find out if the sperm bank (if using one) will deliver to your home (most will with your doctor’s sign off).

Insemination At a Clinic

Sometimes at-home insemination is not an option, or you may feel more comfortable doing it in a doctor or midwife’s office (less risk of infection, professional experience and opinions on hand). Also, sperm banks should be able to deliver sperm directly to their offices (although the facility might charge you a “delivery fee  ? for storing/receiving the sperm). If going this route, be sure to ask about the costs of sperm delivery and storage. You will also want to make sure you feel comfortable with the process and doctor or midwife doing the insemination. Will they allow you some privacy after insemination or will you be hurried along? Does the office feel like a tight-knit community, or a cattle herd of women trying to get pregnant? Consider these questions when deciding on inseminating at a clinic.



  1. I would add that the kinds of procedures that doctors will encourage can vary widely. Some just have you use home ovulation predictor kits and call them when you are ovulating in order to do the IUI. Others do bloodwork and ultrasounds a number of times during the cycle to keep track of exactly how your egg(s) are coming along and to pinpoint the ovulation timing. The second type are usually fertility clinics and they may require a number of tests before starting treatment as well.

  2. Hello, first i would like to say thank you fo all the wonderful information..I loved the interview with Gina in reference to her midwife services. i just have a question, would you guys happen to know of any midwives that are in or near the philly are that does the same things that Gina does?
    Thank you

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