Insemination Decision 1: Who Will Carry?

Is one of you more “ready” to be pregnant than the other? Are both of you interested in becoming pregnant or is there one partner in your couple that you both know is more suited to the physical and emotional demands of pregnancy and birth? And how many kids are you going to have anyway? A few things to consider when deciding, who, when, and in what order:

  • Age matters. Fertility rates begin to gradually decline when women reach their 30s, and an older partner may have more trouble getting pregnant (or may want to become pregnant first because her chances would decline the longer she waits, while a younger partner has more “time”). After the age of 35, women are more at risk for pregnancy complications, including genetic diseases, gestational diabetes, and preeclampsia. It’s also a good idea in general to get a preliminary fertility blood workup, including testing to determine if you are physically fertile adn ready for pregnancy. You don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars on sperm and doctor’s visits, just to find out about a fertility issue down the line. Lastly, many lesbian couples may be planning on using their own eggs later in life for IVF. Most clinics have a cut-off age of around 45 for using a biological mother’s eggs. Although some may accept a bio mom’s eggs for another few years (up to 47), it is rare.
  • Consider your sperm plan. In many lesbian couples, both partners would like to be biologically connected to their children. Often, a couple will buy or store a supply of sperm from the same donor. One partner will inseminate using that sperm and have a child, and then, a couple of years down the line, the other partner will go through the same process with the stored sperm. This allows your children to be related genetically to each other in addition to you.
  • Review your insurance plans. Something as simple as the type of insurance you have could help determine your decision if you are covered separately by different insurance companies. One partner’s insurance may be more gay pregnancy friendly than the other, partially or fully covering the cost of insemination or doctor’s visits.
  • Draw straws…or determine who has the best “birthing hips.” Jkjk!

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