Lesbian Parenting Priorities: Rock & Roll to Rockabye

Rock Band Lesbian ParentsThis week I went to my first rock show in ages. My wife called it “guys night out” because I left her at home and went with our guy friend from way back. It got me feeling a little nostalgic. I used to have a night life. A pretty rockin’ one in fact. Seven years ago, my wife started a band with friends. She played rhythm guitar and sang. I was invited to join if I agreed to play bass guitar. Challenge accepted. We were one of Philadelphia’s premier lesbian-fronted bands…or at least that’s how we promoted ourselves. And we really played up the cuteness factor by keeping it no secret that the two of us were in a relationship.

With regular shows in local clubs and bars, we spent a lot of time cultivating our rock n roll lifestyle and dreaming about being rich and famous. We laughed off the typical responsibilities that “normal” people had like careers, car payments, mortgages, home improvement and dare I say…procreation.

I’m not saying all musicians are irresponsible. But as musicians, my wife and I were and what was worse, we weren’t self-disciplined, talented or lucky enough to actually become successful in music. We were just having fun!

We managed to enjoy a pretty self-indulgent lifestyle on our own for a few years until we both realized that we wanted to be more than band mates and live-in girlfriends. We wanted to improve our living situation and be a family to one another. All the things we were previously avoiding started to seem appealing. And then one day she casually said to me, “let’s be moms.”

Communication is so important in a relationship. That was a very crucial point in our relationship and if we hadn’t been open with each other about our expectations and hopes for the future, we would never have stayed together. My wife (girlfriend at the time) wanted to have a baby. While I’ve always wanted children, I didn’t plan to do it anytime soon. After all, I was in my mid-20s, my career was stunted and I suffered from bad credit. Even though she had a stable day job and sparkling credit, I felt that as a couple and as individuals, we (me) really needed to get our lives (my life) on track before launching ourselves into parenthood.

So we made a plan and put it into motion. I scored an awesome job two years ago. Six months later, we closed on a 3-bedroom row home in Philadelphia and in the same week we got married (legally recognized by the state of Massachusetts, thank you). Looking back, I’m proud of how far we’ve come to meet our goal.

Now my “night life” consists of cooking, cleaning, watching “Make Room for Multiples” and winding down by reading a chapter from Harry Potter to my wife’s pregnant belly. She is doing wonderfully, by the way. Family members say that she’s “glowing” and has a “twinkle in her eye.” Maybe they’re right. She’s in her second trimester now, adjusting to pregnancy and even enjoying it now that she can feel the babies fluttering and moving around inside.

Getting out of the house for the night gave me some perspective. I think back to those early days with fondness. My life was more carefree then but I chose a different path. Or maybe it chose me. As a result, my priorities are so different now. But it’s definitely a welcome change.


  1. I love this! My wife and I weren’t rock and rollers pre-baby, but our lives have certainly changed and we couldn’t be happier. There are certainly moments when I miss all that freedom, but I wouldn’t wish it back. Looking fwd to following along with your journey!


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