Becoming a SAHM Lesbian Mom and Other Southern Adventures

lesbian SAHM

Last year I was a psychologist teaching at a university. This year I am a stay-at-home Mom. During the summer that bridged the gap between these two worlds, my wife gave birth to our son. All of this makes me a lesbian, non-biological, stay-at-home Mom. It also makes me tired. But first, I should back up a bit.

My name is Alison and in the fall of 2008 I married Parker Armstrong. In the “pave your own way” nature of lesbian marriage, I took her name and she took mine. Well, actually we both took my last name as a middle name and her last name as a last name with the idea that our children will share this middle name last name combination; a family name of sorts and one that requires us to agree on only one name per baby. Bonus! By the time Park had decided she was ready to “sign me up” (her exact words, I couldn’t make that up), we were already talking about children. In fact, the moment my short-haired, polo shirt clad, “just one of the guys” girlfriend told me that she didn’t just want to have kids she wanted to have kids, all of my instinctual feelings of rightness about her were confirmed. She was indeed the woman for me.

Three years later we’ve got both a one year old son we call Yogi and a lingering case of baby fever. These days I may not be lecturing about stereotyping and gender theory in a classroom, but the issues are top of mind just the same. I am after all a woman “married” (not legally recognized in our state) to another woman raising a boy in the South. Did I mention the part about the South? Oh yes, that is in the mix as well. I’m only one year into the parenting gig, but so far it’s looking like lesbian parenting offers a pretty interesting perspective on all things gendered. So, if you wonder about things like whether your butch wife “counts” as a male role model or why your family insists on buying baby clothes that involve camouflage (really, camouflage? For a 3 month old?) I hope you will join me here and we can wonder about it together. If you have the time, leave a note in the comments and tell me a bit about your story.

Alison Armstrong* is a Southern, Stay-at-home-Mom getting used to life outside of academia and raising a child, Yogi*, with her wife, Parker*. You can follow her family’s adventures at her blog, Love Invents Us.

*Names have been changed in order to honor a flair for the dramatic and to play nice with the family.

15 Comments

  1. EratMama says:

    I am excited to have a place for gay parenting issues. I hope that, despite the name of the site, there will be lots of info for the myriad ways we can create family. I look forward to reading more!

    Reply
  2. Kara says:

    Thanks for introducting this site to the rest of us on your blog! I almost live in the south or maybe I do, depending on who you talk to (I live in Kentucky) and look forward to reading more about how the three of you navigate through less than open-minded communities.

    Reply
  3. CJ says:

    Oh, I wear many (mostly gay) hats. I had a bio son when I was 19. I adopted a little girl with Down syndrome when I was married (to a man, if he can be called that) and lost another little girl I raised for over two years (failed adoption.) Now, my partner and I have one beautiful little girl who is nearing one (I carried). And we’re trying to knock her up.

    That’s life, in a nutshell!

    Reply
  4. seattlegirl says:

    Woohoo! So happy to be following you here too! Congrats on the new writing gig.

    My story is a novel in itself, but in brief…Married to a guy at 24. Had a babe in 2006. Left him 2 years later due to his controlling crazy verbally abusive nature. Shortly after leaving I realized I am gay. Dated my first gf for almost 2 years, the last one for a year. Coparenting my daughter with her dad who finally got his head clear and facing the daunting prospect of finding a partner who can fit into our life.

    Reply
  5. Pajamamomma says:

    Thanks for sharing your new gig–I found this via your other blog. It’s Conceivable looks like a great resource.
    Also, totally with you on the camoflauge question. First of all there’s the whole creepy military connotation. But even if you remove that, who wants an invivisble baby???

    Reply
  6. Bellasmom says:

    So glad you found a baby mama! ;) I think the way you and your wife are forging ahead is inspirational to even us straight folks out there. A good marriage and awareness of growth as a parent are paramount to any relationship. Thanks for sharing your storyso openly and candidly!

    Reply
  7. I’m pretty glad myself ;) and thanks for the kind words.

    Reply
  8. Sadie says:

    Congrats. :) I just found your blog and can’t wait to read other posts!

    Reply
  9. over 50 moms says:

    We are 52 & 53. Slowing our lives down and preparing for our first adopted child age 9-11. Sex not a concern. Our ages and living in Memphis TN all add to our adventure. We look forward to reading your blog and any input from other moms. Many blessings to all.

    Reply
  10. pcyblue says:

    My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we’re not only finally talking about going to another state to legally be married, but we are also planning to start trying to have a baby this summer. I’m very glad to have found a blog that discusses the issues we face in southern states, and I look forward to reading through your stories!

    Reply
  11. Memphis expectant Moms says:

    My wife and I live in Memphis, TN and are expecting. We have gay and lesbian friends. But nine that have or desire to have children. It would be nice to communicate with others in our area in the same boat as we live in the burbs and haven’t always gotten the openness we would like from others.

    Reply

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