Surviving My Wife’s Pregnancy: It Begins!

Lesbian familyI just received a text message from my wife. Confused by this, I went to the living room from my desk in the adjoining room (not 10 feet away) and asked if she’s ok. She was resting on the couch, fighting nausea, 7 weeks pregnant, and texted me because she needs some water. Like it’s completely normal to text someone in the next room of a smallish Philadelphia rowhouse.

So I got her some water and I thought about how I will probably get her thousands of cups of water for the next 9+ months. I don’t mind. Really. She’s carrying our baby and her body needs rest after a long day at work and a rough commute home. Plus, after four IUIs at our local fertility clinic, four vials of frozen sperm from the Irish-German anonymous donor (known at our house as “Mr. Generous”), dozens of home pregnancy tests and countless ups and downs, I’ll gladly get her whatever she needs.

I’m still pinching myself to see if this is really happening. Although four months is not a long time – it felt like uncertain eternity when we experienced it in two-week intervals. Since it’s our first baby and we were new to the whole process, everyone’s advice was to “take it one day at a time.” And finally that’s exactly what we learned to do, because honestly, that’s the only way to survive the rollercoaster of trying to conceive.

Yes, at 7 weeks pregnant, I finally do believe it is really happening. We’ve got the ultrasound photos to prove it. You can’t really see the little one yet (maybe next time), but our doctor seemed to be satisfied when she looked at the screen and printed out the little baby’s first photo. We also have the symptoms to prove it. Sweating, anxiety, fatigue, restlessness at night, weird dreams, changes in appetite and mood swings. And that’s just my list of complaints – the non-pregnant expecting mother. My wife’s symptoms are exactly what you would find in that book, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” Good book, I guess, but I don’t see a section explaining what type of symptoms the expecting mother’s female partner may experience.

It wasn’t until my wife began texting me from the sofa that I really started to think about what life with a pregnant woman might entail. For starters, who will take care of me when I’m taking care of my pregnant wife? We have a very delicate system in place to manage the division of household duties. Without it, our house becomes really unpleasant. For example, just this morning, the dishes were piling up, the dogs hadn’t been walked, the cats were meowing and my poor pregnant wife had a pants emergency while getting ready for work because the laundry wasn’t done. She doesn’t have much to choose from now that she’s sort of in between regular clothes and maternity clothes with an early-pregnancy bloated tummy. When this happens, I just do my best to offer a solution and stay out of the way in case it doesn’t work.

We need a solution that does work, though. Maybe this imbalance could be fixed if I work less, sleep less, sit less and do MORE. Being pregnant is what my wife has been looking forward to and what we’ve been planning for a long time. I want her to have a wonderful pregnancy and I feel truly grateful to be her partner in life and in parenting.

I think I’ll just try to relax a little and curl up with my sleepy, queasy, pregnant wife. We’ve only been planning this for years and now’s a good time to enjoy some peace and quiet before everything changes.

The dishes can wait.

Shannan lives in Philadelphia with her wife, dogs and cats. One day, Shannan’s wife said, Let’s Be Moms. It’s been a crazy journey ever since and she welcomes you along for the ride.

When she’s not writing, reading, rooting for the Phillies or engrossed in the contents of her DVR, she works as a marketing director for a telecommunications company.

10 Comments

  1. It’s a whole new world for sure! I just read the donor is Irish-German, huh? Perhaps he looks a lot like my current fave Irish-German actor, Michael Fassbender ;)

    http://onlyeverything.tumblr.com/tagged/michael_fassbender :)

    Reply
  2. Beth says:

    Love your thoughts! My DW is 7 months with Twins and I definitely have been in the same or similar space! Best of luck!

    Reply
  3. Jay says:

    Hello Ladies,
    I’m so happy to have found your blog. My wife is currently 11 days post first iui. She has not read up on any of the symptoms but seems to have all of them. The only one she knows of is morning sickness. But she said as she feels sick at night it must be something else lol.
    This 2 week wait is killing us, so stupidly I went and bought one of those early detector pregnancy kit as we tested yesterday. Not surprisingly it was negative. Now she is convinced she is not pregnant and has become quite depressed.Not my best idea. I think tonight she is a little more positive. Now I don’t even want to know when she next does the test. How the hell do I survive then next week?? It’s not easly being a non bio. I’m sure I would cope if it was me!!!! Maybe

    Reply
  4. Shannan says:

    Hi Jay, welcome! Is your wife taking progesterone? Mine did throughout our TTC experience (and into the first month or 2 of her pregnancy). The tricky thing about the progesterone is that it causes many of the same symptoms that pregnancy does. Many times we thought she was pregnant, but it was just the progesterone playing tricks on us. But eventually she was… with twins! Don’t lose hope, you really do have to give it time. During that time, keeping busy helped me. Also, staying positive was important to me because all the pressure was on my wife and I really wanted to be there for her.

    Be sure to check out Emily and Linda’s feature about the two week wait here: http://itsconceivablenow.com/2011/10/03/lesbian-pregnancy-tests-time-worst-time/

    Reply
    • Jay says:

      Hey Shannan, Thanks for the response. No she isn’t taking anything. Just had the IUI and that was it.I can report that she did the test again this morning to find that she is infact pregnant.
      We are in shock today, although I did believe it was going to happen, lost a little faith in the last few days. Wow, on to the next stage. I told her about your wife texting from the next room and she thinks that is a great idea.

      Reply
  5. Sarah says:

    Anyone else dealing with a complete lack of sex? It’s killing me slowly…not what I expected when we talked about having kids.

    Reply
    • Shannan says:

      Sarah – I don’t have much to say about that…but I know I came across some passages that might help you while reading the following books…

      - The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians: How to Stay Sane and Care for Yourself from Pre-conception through Birth by Rachel Pepper

      - The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth by Stephanie Brill

      Reply
  6. Melissa says:

    Hi, I’m 8 wks tomorrow :-) My new wife ( we were legally civil unioned 1 week ago today!), is amazing at taking care of me. This is our second pregnancy after our first ended last Oct at 12 weeks with a devastating miscarriage.
    I’m terribly morning sick this time so we are considering that to be a positive sign (well most days I am lol).
    Our donor is her brother, so we will be blessed with a child that shares our genes.
    We are in our mid 30′s and live in New Zealand.
    M&D

    Reply

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